Once is by chance, two times is a coincidence, but three times is a pattern. Now that we have three truly great LaLaPaRuZas on RuPaul-hosted versions of Drag Race, I think we can confidently say this new format, held at the end of the season and with winners advancing over losers, has made this challenge one we can safely look forward to every season. RuPaul’s Drag Race Global All Stars’ version, like Season 16’s before it, gives the eliminated queens a chance to shine, which I’d argue is more crucial than ever after fans overwhelmingly have felt the non-RuGirls got short shrift this season.
Thankfully, this episode does them great justice. Basically everyone gets a moment to shine, even if they lose, and some queens really come through with Rudemption story arcs. Our eventual champion positively glows by the end of her final lip sync, in a moment of triumph you wish all these global superstars could’ve gotten all season long. The episode is one of Global All Stars’ best, if not the best, and it’s the only one I can imagine wanting to rewatch any time soon.
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We start with our top four—Alyssa Edwards, Kitty Scott-Claus, Kween Kong and Nehellenia, in case you’ve forgotten—reuniting with the eliminated queens in the werk room. Ru joins them to reveal that this week, we’re getting a Klarna Global Lip Sync LaLaPaRuZa Smackdown. (Yes, it’s sponsored by Klarna. It’s very silly.) The winner gets not only t
Unlike the other LaLaPaRuZas we’ve seen this year, this one goes back to its All Stars 4 roots in the song selection: all RuPaul tracks. Luckily, it’s a hell of a lineup: “A.S.M.R Lover” (Ru’s best song, argue with the wall), “Call Me Mother,” “Cha Cha Bitch,” “Jealous of My Boogie,” “Just What They Want,” and “U Wear It Well.” Really good variety of his discography, I’d say, both in terms of eras and music styles. And I know there are usually some groans when the songs are all Ru’s, but he’s got bops!
Vanity Vain is chosen first by the wheel during the LaLaPaRuZa, giving her the chance to pick her opponent. Considering Vanity won four lip syncs in this season alone, anyone battling her is risking running up against a veritable lip syncing buzz saw. Vanity chooses to lip sync against someone she’s already beaten: Eva Le Queen. The Filipina queen opts for “Just What They Want,” which both Nehellenia and Vanity herself note is the hardest of the lot. It quickly becomes clear why Vanity thinks so: she doesn’t know the words. She has a cute trick using her hair braid as a whip, and she’s doing more than Eva, but Eva’s just got the words completely locked down. It’s a bit of a gag when Eva wins—a victory for her strategy more than anything else.
Soa de Muse gets wheeled into action next, and she wants a fight. She picks Tessa Testicle, who was a lip sync assassin in her original Drag Race Germany season. Tessa picks “A.S.M.R Lover” (taste), and everyone in the werk room puts their money on Tessa to win—except Kween. While Kween has certainly gotten a rough edit this season, one genuinely positive through-line has been her support of Soa as a new sister. She’s got faith, and it turns out to be very well-placed.
For the first bit of the lip sync, it actually seems like Tessa might win—but then Tessa messes up a dip. Soa takes this error and runs with it, building momentum and stealing the show. She takes the win, and this officially marks the end of Tessa’s run on the season. It was a good one! But as a Soa stan from Episode 1, I’m thrilled to see her advance to the next round.
Athena Likis, our first-eliminated queen, is picked next, and she wants to go up against “my Greek sister Pythia.” Kitty makes a snide remark about saving room on the couch for Pythia immediately—because she truly can’t help herself, I guess—but Pythia gives herself whatever advantage she can by choosing “Jealous of My Boogie” as her lip sync song. Her reasoning is that it’s the least dance-focused (ironic considering the name), and she actually does a decent job! It’s still a clear Athena win, though; she’s a captivating performer! Athena moves on, while Pythia joins those in the werk room.
Gala Varo vs. Miranda Lebrão is our final prelim face-off, and it’s here where things start to get a bit messy. Gala chooses “Cha Cha Bitch” for this battle of Latin American queens, and instantly you can see how much more enjoyable a lot of the lip syncs would’ve been this season if non-English language picks had been more widely implemented. Gala’s my pick throughout, until the very end, when she loses her wig. Miranda, like the queens in the werk room and myself, seems to believe that this wig loss will cost Gala, particularly since Miranda did well.
But no, Miranda is eliminated from the LaLaPaRuZa, and I have to look askance at this. My skepticism only grows when Gala passes through her second round, too. That battle is against Eva, who chooses “Call Me Mother” as her song—once again betting on knowing the words over her opponent. Kween confidently predicts Eva will win based on this alone, claiming that Eva actually knows Gala doesn’t know the words.
So here’s where I run into my only major issues with this episode. Eva beat Vanity because Eva knew the words better, despite a pretty muted lip sync performance. Gala beat Miranda because, despite losing her wig, she served some impressive moves. Now Gala beats Eva, despite not knowing the words, because she moves better. This is especially confusing since Eva’s performance in the lip sync against Gala is actually better, and Vanity knew more words of her song than Gala does hers. There’s no consistent criteria here beyond “it’s okay because you’re Gala.” Which is kind of a shitty way to judge a LaLaPaRuZa, much as I love Gala!
Anyway, Gala is joined in the final lip sync by Soa, but it’s only after one hell of a battle. This lip sync between Athena and Soa gets my vote for the best of the night. They both dance it the fuck out to “U Wear It Well.” In one particularly gaggy moment, the two both go to the back, and model-walk up the main stage together in unison. It’s amazing. Honestly, I’d put them both through to the final lip sync, as would Alyssa. Ultimately Soa wins, but Athena should be so proud. That lip sync more than makes up for her being eliminated first.
We’ve reached the end! It’s Soa vs. Gala in the final lip sync, and the song is pre-assigned: it’s “The Beginning.” Or, if I’m quoting my notes: “IT’S THE BEGINNING, HELL YEAH.” Guys, I love “The Beginning.” It’s one of Ru’s best songs, and has only previously been featured in the final three of Season 5’s lip sync that meant nothing. It’s so amazing to see it back for this climactic battle, and Gala and Soa more than do it justice.
Gala actually delivers her best performance here, demonstrating more control while still dancing the hell out of it. I actually had my money on her, despite her overall inconsistent performance in the other lip syncs, simply because Ru seems so interested in her. But something happens at the very end of the lip sync where Soa really gets fully activated. The final moment, looking up to the sky and with an expression of real awe, is breathtaking. She makes it near impossible to argue for anyone else in that moment. Soa has won.
Ru agrees, Soa is thrilled, and she takes home the $50,000. It’s a satisfying finish for a queen who excelled in her short time in this season, but never felt like a true threat to advance in this season thanks to the high number of design challenges. Even if she wasn’t taken out when she was, I don’t think she would’ve been able to puncture the RuGirl-focused nature of this season. But in this moment, all eyes are on Soa, and hers is an incredibly deserving win. I’m so excited for her, and I hope it launches her to all kinds of international bookings after this.
As a nice final note, Klarna gives a $1,000 tip to all our other eliminated queens. That’s a nice gesture, but it can’t dispel the feeling that every episode of this season should’ve felt like this. Watching the other queens lose their minds over Soa and Gala’s final lip sync gives the sensation I wish we’d had for the last 10 episodes; pure joy to see this impressive collection of queens succeed on a global stage. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. But in the final moment of that lip sync, as Soa gazed up to the sky, it’s almost like she’s imagining that future. Almost like she’s imagining that this is the beginning of this season, and we get a re-do. “Here we go, starting over,” RuPaul sings. “Miracles happen every day.”