RuPaul Charles has explained the iconic phrase heard at the end of every RuPaul’s Drag Race episode, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen?”
The Emmy award-winner took to TikTok on 4 September to explain his mantra, which was iconised within the Drag Race franchise and even led to the drag icon hosting a series of online masterclasses on self-love, confidence and drag makeup techniques.
“Simply put, you can’t give away something that you don’t have,” he said, enlightening his fans. “Finding out how to love yourself is a whole other thing,” the drag performer admitted.
“That’s a lifelong journey. I’m constantly investing in myself and recognising that kid who lives inside of me, who needs all the love, who is the one who gets his feelings hurt when I’m not recognised.”
The Allstora co-founder acknowledged that others may not “recognise” his most authentic self, but that doesn’t matter. “The only person who needs to recognise me is me.”
@rupaulofficialCan I get an amen?
He continued, quoting himself: “So, ‘If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?’ I don’t remember where I first heard that.”
Charles speculated that it “has something to do with Flip Wilson” – an American comedian who made TV appearances between 1960 and 1970. Wilson had one comedy routine in particular where he played the character Reverend Leroy. During the skit, Wilson’s character would say: “Can I get an amen?”
“I don’t think he said it,” RuPaul continued, “But I bet that sentiment came from that preacher.
“Anyway, I learned the hard way that if you don’t have it inside, you can’t give it away. George and I are very codependent,” he continued of his partner Georges LeBar, whom he is in an open marriage with. “But I met him much later in life, so I had a head start on learning how to love myself, and also, lots of therapy helps.
“I think the first place to start with learning to love yourself starts with that kid inside of you who is so thirsty and needs so much love, parental love, you can give that to that kid,” he advised fans. “That is where you start.”
Charles added: “It doesn’t stop there. You have to continuously fill that void and find out what you like. Find out what makes you happy, and do that. I think that’s where you start.”
He concluded, leaving fans with his iconic phrase: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”